TV is in a weird place culturally right now. The decline of broadcast television and the delivery of whole seasons via DVD or the Internet has made it both easier to be a fan and harder to talk about it with other people, because no one is at the same place you are. In the weird, guarded way we discuss tv now I had watched a few Girls references go past, but I generally wait for the second ping before I decide to do anything. I mean, I probably should be doing something useful instead of looking for more tv, right?
This year My Force Awakens fixation led me to Adam Driver; my Christmas magazine had Jemima Kirke on the cover, so eventually I knew I had to see Girls.
Opinion among my online circle was sharply divided: some were cautiously encouraging, others hated the show, everyone warned me about the graphic sex scenes. I watched a few clips online, I reserved the first season through the library, and last week I dived in.
Having finished the season yesterday while in the middle of the tuberculosis sanitarium that is my life, I’m still not sure that this was a good idea. I’ve been thinking about how grateful I am not to be in my 20’s any more, which is good. But I’m still not sure that I should be spending so much time with people I am deeply ambivalent about.
Things were further complicated when I realized that Ophelia had recommended the show to me last year with the added note that the main character reminded her of me. Which is always flattering, but maybe never an entirely good thing. At least, I’ve always found it unsettling. And especially so in the case of Hannah Horvath, a narcissist who thinks trauma is being 13 pounds overweight her entire life. But after my initial Nosferatu-esque recoil, I warmed to the idea a tiny bit.
Ways in which I will admit to being similar to Hannah
- I have freaked out, and denied that I was freaking out so I wouldn’t appear uncool.
- I assumed that, if I wanted to, it would be easy to get a teaching job.
- I have followed up a workout with homefries, so I would likely do the same with ice cream.
- I have called a more successful girl my nemesis without being aware of my own petty jealousy.
- I have helped myself to a reading break at work instead of doing anything more productive.
- I have eaten junk food in the bathroom to avoid what I perceive as judgement
- I have dressed up to go out as if I was about to put a hex on some popular girls.
- I have erased and rewritten a tweet several times.
- I have been really excited about my dress almost matching my shoes on a fancy occasion.
- I would let co-workers draw eyebrows on me because they think it would help my look.
- I would eat cake on a beach, by myself, in the morning, before trying to figure out a way home.