Posted by: rocketbride | July 17, 2012

I FOUND WHERE THE MOTHS ARE COMING FROM

“The calls are coming from inside the baby.” – Andy Richter, Ultimate Teaser Trailer

I’ve traced at least one place where the pantry moths have continued to hole up despite a year’s worth of extermination, and I managed to do it in possibly the most disgusting way possible. I was reading a book and snacking on some almonds that have been hanging around my kitchen for awhile, when I saw a larvae wiggling across the pillow in my lap. I screamed and threw the pillow so hard that I strained my wrist. It was a few moments of searching the floor and the couch before I thought to look in the bag of almonds.

My neighbour, washing his driveway, was treated to the sight of me bolting from the house screaming, dumping a bag of nuts onto my front walk and then peering at it in horrified curiosity. Kind of like the dead body in Stand By Me, only without anyone to share it with and no possibility of running away since Maggie was sleeping peacefully in her crib. So I had to tell him the story, lest he think I was completely bonkers. He thought it was funny.

Being that Mason was still out visiting Sage, I called my dad, and he helped me clean up the nuts. (By “helped” I mean that he cleaned them up and I watched nervously.) As for my neighbour, he eventually stopped laughing and advised me to eat raw garlic every day to clean out my stomach, a regimen that had helped him through salmonella.

We’ll see. Even the internet doesn’t think I’m in danger, which must be a good sign.

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