Posted by: rocketbride | February 19, 2016

the saddest

Today I learned that the saddest funerals are for young people. Today I went to the funeral of the former student who died violently over a week ago; I was there because Mason couldn’t be, and I was there because I needed somewhere to put all the feelings of regret I’ve been having over not having been a good teacher to this kid. I thought that the worst part would be seeing his friends break down, but seeing his parents and grandparents was far worse. Even the music was upsetting: when someone started into “Tears in Heaven,” a song I have always loathed as overwrought, it seemed as if it had been written for today. At first I cried silently, then ugly sobbing, then more silent tears. It was bad.

How awful and frustrating it must be to love a child with all your heart and have to field calls from people who write him off as lazy or a thug? How awful to have to tend that picture of your perfect baby deep inside because you know you are the only one who feels it? And how awful to bury that child and all of your hopes for him just as he’s starting to become his own person.

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