Posted by: rocketbride | January 15, 2016

freaking the freak out

I spent most of Monday at the hospital with Mason. On Tuesday my glasses fell apart the moment I tried to wear them in the morning. On Wednesday I stayed home because Maggie refused to even try to behave. On Thursday I received 53 more projects to mark.

My plan for the weekend is to nail myself into a room and mark projects. I have 66: 13 essays and 53 projects (that include an online component what the hell was I thinking?). When I return to work I will still have 31 tests, 8 scripts, 53 creative poetry projects and 106 literacy test practice pieces.

No wonder I feel like I’ve been run over by a bus. It’s not just the hours of sitting in a chair, it’s the obsessive tallying in the guise of planning. I desperately need an afternoon in the city. I’m pretty sure if I focus on this end, rather than the stuff in between, I won’t lose hope.

I would like to post an inspirational picture of myself having fun in January but none exist for the last 13 years. Perhaps this is my month goal.

Posted by: rocketbride | January 14, 2016

bad decision dinosaur

The crummier I feel, the worse my decisions become. I have achieved hardly anything tonight, or at least it feels that way, when I have actually done some important things that needed doing. I have been at a marking standstill for 2 days, mostly because I can’t concentrate.

I think an early bedtime is in order.


Bad Decision Dinosaur by the inestimable Cat and Girl.

Posted by: rocketbride | January 13, 2016

alone in a darkened room

Today I’ve been thinking about the opening scene of the Hunger, a movie that is just an excuse for one gorgeous scene after another. Catherine deNeuve and David Bowie stalk two young people in a club, take them to their house and kill them because they’re vampires. The whole time, “Bela Lugosi’s Dead” is making a mess of everyone’s nerves. When I first saw it, it’s exactly what I wanted clubs to be like: dark, dangerous, sexy, and stalked by beautiful vampires.

Today I’ve been thinking of Bowie covers and remakes, trying to figure out if anyone could be the Goblin King or John Blaylock. But there really is no point to a remake, just a continuation with others. There is a Bowie-shaped hole in the world now. It is so powerful that even in death he convinces people that “The Man Who Stole The World” was his own hit, and not an obscure track made famous by Cobain’s chillingly exhausted take.

I could still be talked into a fusion between the Hunger and Hungry Hearts. Adam Driver as John, Alba as Miriam. The baby’s not getting enough blood to survive, so they argue about what kind of human blood to give him? I don’t know, this stopped making sense a long time ago.

Posted by: rocketbride | January 12, 2016

tiny sorrows

“He took it all too far, but boy, could he play guitar.”

I’ve been trying to avoid the Bowie coverage, because I heard the news when I was waiting in the Emergency Room, and many times thereafter. Oh, don’t worry, everyone is fine. Mason has a bad flu/cold and his asthma meds stopped working so we took him to the hospital in case he needed an x-ray or something. He wants to go back to work tomorrow due to extreme boredom. I, on the other hand, would love nothing more than a few sick days so that I could ship away at more of this marking that dogs my steps. I haven’t been very sick myself, but I’m doing more than my lazy self is used to, which means I spend less time caring for myself and more time staring at YouTube videos in a stupor in between bouts of laundry. I’m in a bit of a spiral. A mild one, though.

The other sounds-dramatic-but-isn’t-really thing is that my glasses broke just as I was putting them on my face this morning. It’s not like the morning lacks obstacles without my seeing machine disintegrating at the first possible moment.

I wore my backup glasses. They pinch my ears. The end.

Posted by: rocketbride | January 10, 2016

mothering a bit more than is my habit

I spent a long time mothering this weekend. It’s a funny thing; even when Mason is dreadfully sick, he’s still a more active parent than many of the dads in my generation. He still cooks dinner, gives Maggie baths and reads with them; he just can’t do anything for very long without needing to rest. In consequence, I’ve been herding the kids to the market, the grocery store, ice arenas and church. Fortunately, with three of them around it’s a lot easier than if I’m on my own with Maggie. The two boys do an ok job of helping me through things. And it makes me appreciate how very much energy Mason puts into parenting when he’s not sick as a dog.

I just wish my anxiety about the end of term would go away. I’ve only got 2 weeks before exams; you’d think I could give myself a break once in awhile. Then again, my increased anxiety may be a direct result of staying with the kids and thus not getting out to run. I’m starting to wonder how I dealt with the crazy before running, and how much better I could’ve done with it earlier. Oh well. Better late than never. At least I’m still climbing into my PB’s rather than seeing them fall away in the rear view.

Posted by: rocketbride | January 9, 2016

you just gotta reach your thresh hold and run past it!

I’m not the kind of runner who needs music to go, mostly because I’m the kind of person who forgets to charger her phone, and thus has to do without half the time anyway. For awhile I ran with a transistor radio, which was perfect: I had a pair of batteries to count on, and I listen to the radio a fair amount anyway because it gives me a break from my own taste. Also, sometimes there are longer pieces about juggalos.

My radio stopped working in the summer, and I have yet to find a suitable replacement. In my group runs there is often conversation, but it all depends on your pace, and when you’re out there for more than an hour, it’s easy to find yourself on your own. So I have to entertain myself.

In addition to working through lesson plans, I sometimes daydream about celebrity run partners. After seeing Star Trek: Into Darkness, I decided that it would be cool to run with Cumberbatch, but I slowly realized that we would have nothing to talk about. Well, he’s got a baby now, so we could talk about that.

After seeing Montage of Heck, I became obsessed with the idea of turning points. I feel that Kurt’s lifelong bad health didn’t make his mental health any better, so for a week I ran with the idea of teaching Cobain how to run. He would be aggressive and rude, because he knew how to manipulate people into leaving him alone, but Krist and I would tag team him until he started to get better. It might not have been enough to save him – Robin Williams was a cyclist – but it was kind of a nice little dream. I’m told that Strombo has said similar things, that he would just want to have dinner with Kurt and try to bring him back to himself.

Anyway, all of this is a very long way to get to yesterday, when I was binging on YouTube videos after a long & exhausting week. A couple of things have been pointing me toward HBO’s Girls (the cover girl of my Christmas stocking magazine is one of the four, my favourite new character from the Force Awakens is a boyfriend), so with no way to see the episodes themselves, I found some clips. Including this one, which is a more likely version of me changing someone’s life through running (except I wear more clothes and don’t barter for ice cream).

Posted by: rocketbride | January 8, 2016

the meeting of nature and nurture

I have been more than a little obsessed with The Force Awakens since we saw it on New year’s day, which is ok because everyone else seems to be as well. I don’t stick out as much as I might otherwise.

I found this video yesterday, and it seems to synthesize everything I need in one loud funny geeky package. Then I watched it so many times that Maggie has learned the opening theme.

She was already destined to be a nerd. This is just an early indicator.

Posted by: rocketbride | January 6, 2016

slouching toward the communal kettle

Against my better judgment I returned to work today, and it wasn’t that bad. Mason is helping me keep perspective; he’s dreadfully ill and spent most of the day shivering. I’m okay to teach but I’m finding it hard to keep focus when I’m supposed to be marking.

This whole marking thing is getting dire; I may have to lock myself into the shed this weekend, just so that I can whittle away at my big crate of marking without distractions like human interaction or meals. Either that or pull myself together at work. I know what I’d prefer.

It’s weird: last year I spent so much time avoiding everyone that I got tonnes done. This year they seek me out to share sensitive news, so I’m less inclined to hermit with my marking. A good thing?

Posted by: rocketbride | January 5, 2016


Stayed home sick today, which always makes me grateful for the luxuries of paid days off, warm houses in which to recuperate, enough food to feed my family, and even the extra luxury of spare change for comfort chips. Usually I’m too busy living my life to appreciate it. Nothing like being too miserable to leave the house to make me understand the richness of my surroundings.

Posted by: rocketbride | January 4, 2016

palaeontologists suspect she stood three inches tall

Probably the most embarrassing thing that happened on NYE was that I seemed to trigger a slow-moving pity party that took out Ryan North as a casual observer. I shudder when I think of it.

This is the same conversation that sparked this project, by the way. Stacy was encouraging me to write more, and I brushed her off with the old, “I don’t have any confidence in my own writing.” Her rebuttal was, “no writer has confidence, ask Ryan.”

Ryan: “Of course I do, otherwise I wouldn’t send it out.” Oops.

I immediately began to feel guilty that we had manoeuvred the voice of T Rex into giving me a pep talk. I wasn’t even a needy drunk! There are only two things that make this ok: the fact that Stacy was willing to bring in a heavyweight to shake me out of my cowardice, and this piece of advice: “I recommend writing a comic about dinosaurs for 10 years.”

“And then you get name-checked in an XKCD answer about lightning safety,” I said.

Man, I don’t even have height on my side.

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